Anonymous asked: so what is queer porn and what on earth made you want to participate in pornography?

Queer porn is like homemade Ding Dongs, the feeling of waking up refreshed, the feeling of relief after having a serious conversation that went well. Queer porn is basically the best thing ever. 

Queer porn is feminism meets porn. It’s porn that features people in truly consensual acts that are not dictated by what is socially acceptable. It’s porn that features people of various ethnicities, abilities, sexual orientations, genders, and so on. 

I’m an activist, and it’s important to me that I do all that I can to help change the world. I like how queer porn and activism interact. I like that queer porn provides examples for other ways to perform sex acts. A lot of people learn how to have sex and what sex looks like through porn. People who learn sex through this lens in the status quo learn that sex is meant to be coerced, everyone who has sex is white unless they’re being fetishized, lesbians exist for the enjoyment of men, trans women are a third gender, trans men and non-binary folks don’t exist, post-op trans women don’t exist, and a million other things that are messed up. 

I want to participate in queer porn, because I was shamed all of my life for my sexuality. I want to do it, because it’s taboo. I want to do it, because I want to challenge the boundaries I have that were set up by ridiculous paradigms. Plus, most trans* guys in porn right now are not femme at all. I also think that people assume that folks in porn aren’t shy at all. In the two videos I have put out there, people have said that I’m endearing, cute, and real and that they like that. It makes me happy. 

It’s possible to be indoctrinated into a system that teaches you to hate yourself and your body and come out of it through various means. It’s also okay if you continue to struggle with that. I certainly do. I want to participate in teaching these lessons, especially during the vulnerable moments that folks spend with themselves doing private, personal things.

A couple of photos from the Bringing Sexy Back party last night. 

topheles asked: What are your feelings on the term "transmasculine"? It gives me the creeps for some reason but I can't figure out why.

I don’t like it, but only because it’s used inaccurately. Its current usage supports the normative trans narrative that trans men must be masculine, trans women must be feminine, no one else exists in the intersections of these gender planes, no one exists beyond these forms of gender expression. 

If the term were used accurately (ie trans* folks who ID/feel/present as masculine), there would be no biggie. Right now, however, it’s used as synonymous with “FTM”. 

Anonymous asked: Why doesn't your therapist use your preferred last name? And why is she making you pay a lot of money to take a personality test when she should be able to discern most of the stuff it will say from your therapy sessions, since that's kind of her job? That seems kind of like a doctor finding an enlarged liver on physical exam, then ordering an x-ray solely to prove the liver is big. Advanced diagnostics should tell you something more than what your initial exam (physical or mental) does...

I appreciate your concern but the results were put together by the doctor I went to for the test. They also ask what they should call you in the report, and the answer field for that question in the paperwork is a blank line. I feel somewhat uncomfortable with having a preferred last name sometimes. I feel like it’s often considered less legitimate than preferred first names, and I get nervous about it. That being said, I’m just using Gray as a pen name for my poetry and blog at this point. I was going to legally change it, but I feel weird picking a white last name after spending my life being white-washed. It doesn’t feel right to me. I don’t want to put the name I want take on legally out there, because I don’t want sex work an other personal things I write about on here to interfere with potentially going back to school and stuff. 

As for the test being a waste of time considering that’s my therapist’s job, I agree. I also liked reading the results though. I like that they were tangible. I like that I get to keep them. I like that I feel validated in my feelings in some, but not all, ways. In terms of my being angry at the world and feeling like it’s hostile, it’s like.. Um, I’m an activist. Yup. 

fuckingickyricky replied to your post: I really wish people like you, Raven, and Mark were the celebrity role models for the trans* community. And on a side note.. As much as I don’t like Buck Angel as a person, I love that he’s out there as a porn star. I personally love it because I hate not seeing bodies like mine in the media and the porn industry being celebrated, and I love that Buck Angel changes that.

I accidentally found you on queerporn.tv once. Lookin’ good, buddy.

By accidentally do you mean on purpose? (;

Anonymous asked: I really wish people like you, Raven, and Mark were the celebrity role models for the trans* community. And on a side note.. As much as I don't like Buck Angel as a person, I love that he's out there as a porn star. I personally love it because I hate not seeing bodies like mine in the media and the porn industry being celebrated, and I love that Buck Angel changes that.

I’m not sure who Raven and Mark are (I’m really bad with names and keeping in touch in general), but perhaps we could try and get more attention on these folks? I don’t know if that’s what they want.

Sometimes I want to be considered a role model, and then other times, I feel like that seems so entitled and arrogant. Like who thinks they’re such a good person that young folks in their community should look up to them? What an interesting thing to think about yourself. 

I love that Buck exists as a trans* person in the porn industry. I don’t love that his personality goes along with him. There are a decent amount of trans* folks in porn. I suggest checking out QueerPorn.TV if you haven’t already. 

Anonymous asked: I agree that no one should police gender identities, but it seems that in order to create safe spaces, something must be done about those who co-opt terms such as trans*, while spewing cis-privileged ideologies. Some people say they're trans*/trans, yet have no desire to transition in anyway, not even as far as pronouns. What makes them different from a cis person, abusing cis priv?

This is something I think about a lot, and I wish I could give a more concrete answer that said a simple yes or no. 

I don’t think what people want to do with their own bodies is particularly indicative of their identity. I think it’s best that we stay away from that rhetoric, because I feel like it actually detracts from, what I feel, is the issue at hand: how can you tell if someone sincerely identifies a certain way or if they are appropriating trans* struggles?

I don’t know. I tend to focus on the issue of privilege instead. I’m learning more and more that privilege and identity are not synonymous. While trans* people can’t perform reverse cissexism, we can take part in horizontal cissexism. There are no free passes here. These folks can still be called out on their shit in using their (conditional) cis privilege to hurt their trans* siblings.

Right now, I listen to people and I don’t challenge their genders. When they say they’re cisgender but “in a way identify as trans,” that’s blatant appropriation of trans* experiences that needs to be called out. 

There’s this misconception that the line between cis and trans* statuses is clear and well-defined when it’s not in the slightest. Systems of oppression don’t care to make sense; they function to oppress. Sometimes that means doing so in seemingly illogical ways. 

This is the zombified version of myself after partying till 4AM. Surgery funds are due today. I am so excited to make that phone call. 

Macho Tits rough draft and concerns part 2

Macho Tits rough draft and concerns part 1 

Feedback wanted!